Kathryn. I like long walks on the beach and eating my weight in nachos.


THEME
me 2 my child: you were named after the two bravest men i ever knew.... Max Nev
posted 3 hours ago with 14,513 notes
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megay:

HOW TO PICK UP GIRLS IN 3 EASY STEPS

STEP 1: purposefully bump into girl(make sure you are typing into your calculator while doing this)

STEP 2: say “im sorry. i didnt see you, i was taking inventory of all my lizards”

STEP 3: make sure she sees the number 42069666 on the screen

posted 3 hours ago with 42,666 notes
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hatepotion:

'You could've taken anyone!’ said Ron in disbelief over dinner. ‘Anyone! And you chose Loony Lovegood?’

'Don't call her that, Ron,' snapped Ginny, pausing behind Harry on her way to join friends. 'I'm really glad you're taking her, Harry, she's so excited.'

posted 4 hours ago with 61,556 notes
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mxtori:

businessinsider:

7 QUESTIONS YOU SHOULD ASK AT THE END OF EVERY JOB INTERVIEW.

Click here to find out why these questions help you.

This is so important!

I never know what to ask and end up looking like a fool cause I don’t have a question prepared.

Don’t be me.

posted 5 hours ago with 109,940 notes
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katara:

I get really pissed off when people think Zayn isn’t the hottest member of One Direction like why are people taste so bad? Why would you pick the frog prince Harry? Why do you think that blonde hobbit is cute? You could swap Liam with an Enchilada and it would take 45 minutes to notice, and whats that others ones name? 

posted 5 hours ago with 27,724 notes
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posted 5 hours ago with 198,869 notes
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sadnessandpuns:

On my tombstone please write “Not appreciating my puns when I was alive was a grave mistake”

posted 5 hours ago with 388,327 notes
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nawyougood:

theinternationalasshole:

Imagine having sex with a girl and she turns into a legit monster
Do you continue fucking her or do you run away?

does the pussy stay human pussy or does it become monster pussy? will she kill me if my stroke weak? if the condom breaks, will i create an x men baby? do monsters get the clap? its levels to this shit and i need answers.

posted 5 hours ago with 21,534 notes
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crusherccme:

found this gem in the 1996 Cornell Women’s Handbook. it’s what to say when a guy tries to get out of using a condom

posted 5 hours ago with 184,307 notes
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mommapolitico:

trungles:

shorterexcerpts:

styro:

salon:

Ronald Reagan pretty much ruined everything for millennials.

fuckin’ ronnie

I try and bring up how he ruined free in state tuition in the name of hippie bashing when he was California’s governor often, but don’t exactly have the biggest platform.

"Worst of all, these students’ sense of the future is constrained by planning for and then paying down their student loans, often for decades. Economists are waking up to the fact that when young Americans enter the workforce burdened with over a trillion dollars in cumulative debt, they become risk averse, unwilling to move, less able to make major purchases, and slower to become homeowners. Not coincidentally, they don’t feel safe enough to register any major protests against the society that’s done this to them.”

Damn.

Please read. Student Loan Debt is the next bubble to burst, at over a trillion (yes, wth a t) dollars.

posted 5 hours ago with 8,897 notes
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*eats you out as a friend*

chiefsimba:

iknownothingisalliknow:

revitiligo:

thepoetspace:

amerikkkanpie:

Blows your back out as your homie

Gotchu walkin funny as a testament to our friendship.

makes you cum in the spirit of comradery

Got ur legs on my shoulders to show u how deep our friendship is

hits it from the back to let you know im here for you

posted 5 hours ago with 190,162 notes
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thecutestofthecute:

Bubu The Chinchilla 

cute_bubu’s Profile • Instagram

posted 5 hours ago with 23,728 notes
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theonion:

Lifeguard Would Save Drowning Man, But Who Is He To Play God?

posted 5 hours ago with 11,238 notes
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posted 5 hours ago with 290,992 notes
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“what’s the smell in here? wealth?”

posted 5 hours ago with 4,339 notes
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